emotional intelligence « The Parent Bloggers Network

Posts Tagged ‘emotional intelligence’

Ready for the Day/Ready for Bed - Validating Feelings, Both Ours and Our Children’s

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

The results are in. Ten parent bloggers reviewed Ready for the Day and Ready for Bed. The consensus can be summed up in two words: “overwhelming success.”

Both books, written by Stacey Kaye and illustrated by Elizabeth O. Dulemba, claim to help parents as well as children navigate through the daily morning/night routines with less stress while building the child’s emotional intelligence.

“On the surface it seems like the books might be geared toward helping kids learn how to transition through routines like breakfast or bedtime without sass or stress,” observes one reviewer. While the book does help children (ages three to six) learn how to power up (or power down) for the day, “the goal is provide more effective communication alternatives to the bribing, timeouts, and other means to an end that parents use either as their modus operandi, or simply when they’re pushed to a breaking point by their kid’s behavior.”

One such effective communication alternative? Learning to fine tune our language - to speak one of positive parenting. But sometimes that’s easier written than practiced. Thankfully, the adults in both books model this type of behavior.

“As the story unfolds for each book, different parenting phrases are highlighted to show examples of the parent validating feelings, offering choices, and giving encouragement,” writes one reviewer. ”In Ready for the Day!, the child whines about wanting to stay home with her dad instead of going to school. Her dad follows up on the whining with, ‘I know just how you feel. I wish we could spend the day together too.’ He doesn’t say what might be the first reaction for many of us, ‘Stop whining.’”

Along with touting the potential of positive parenting language, there’s also a few more fuss fighting tactics mentioned – like giving kids choices and talking through a child’s feelings. Readers appreciated these aspects.

“I enjoy seeing real world examples that remind me how I can personally follow this approach in real life,” notes a reviewer. “That’s exactly what both of these books do. For example when Marco doesn’t want to get ready for bed, his mother offers him a choice between swimming like a fish or flying like an airplane to get to bed. Similarly the dad offers Maya the choice of a shirt and shorts or a daisy dress when she doesn’t want to get dressed.”

This same blogger eagerly adds, “In addition to providing me with new ways to present choices and new ideas for what choices I may offer, the books helped me focus on realistic parental responses that validate a child’s feelings. There aren’t any fairies or cuddly bunnies in these books. Instead, each book has a parent and a child interacting to go through a couple of daily rituals.” Another blogger wholeheartedly concurs, sharing her thoughts on the subject: “It’s important for our children to know that we were kids once, too, and that we know how they feel. This encourages cooperation and children become more calm and less likely to start a screaming tantrum.”

Overall, these readers took the messages of both books, which are published by Free Spirit, to heart.

“Ready for the Day and Ready for Bed reminds both me and my husband as well as our daughter about compromise and making correct decisions to cut down on the amount of drama in our lives,” writes one apt reviewer. A second blogger adds, “I will say that the Ready books also were effective in validating my feelings. It might take a little more work and an adjustment in perspective and communication style to start talking the positive parenting talk, but the fact of the matter is that the techniques do work.”

While many of the children were delighted by the vibrant illustrations and entertained by the storylines, we wondered if reviewers saw changes within themselves and their children once they began reading the books together. Indeed they did.

“After a week of reading the stories, I noticed more cooperation on [my son's] part. But even more amazing was that I noticed I was willing to be more patient with my son,” marvels one blogger. Another one chimes in with her experience: “After just one reading of Ready for Bed, for instance, Chicky was much more willing to ‘take turns’ brushing her teeth. Which really amounts to her asserting her independence enough to make her happy and me being able to brush dinner from between her tiny teeth. A win/win situation, if you ask me.”

Ready for the Day and Ready for Bed can also be found on Amazon.

Tags: blogger reviews, Books, communication, communication alternatives, emotional intelligence, Free Spirit publishing, kids books, language, routine, Stacey Kaye
Posted in Books, Pre-school | No Comments »

Ready for the Day/Ready for Bed - Here’s What They’re Saying So Far

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

So far, five of our parent bloggers have reviewed the books, Ready for the Day and Ready for Bed. And let’s just put it this way – if there was a “Mommy (or Daddy’s) Extra-Special Helper” award for a product? These books, written by an Atlanta-based mom, would easily win.

According to one blogger, Ready for the Day tells a story of “a little girl who at first is resistant to getting ready for school. But her dad uses several different techniques to encourage her to get ready, and as a reward they have time to play before going to school. Dad gives her choices when getting ready, like asking which of two outfits she wants to wear. He also expresses understanding of how she feels, and points out when she uses her manners or otherwise behaves appropriately.”

In Ready for Bed, “a mother and her son go through all of the bedtime activities. The boy is grumpy and doesn’t want to comply, but his mom makes it fun by doing many of the same techniques in the other book. She offers him a choice of which PJs he wants to wear, sympathizes when he doesn’t want to get out of the bath, and encourages him when he remembers his manners. Bedtime ends up being fun, without tantrums and resistance.”

Bloggers have a number of wonderful things to say about the book written by Stacey Kaye. An example? “The dialogue is better than most children’s books.” This blogger explains, “I’m always critical of dialogue - does that really sound like an actual conversation? - and it’s rare to find realistic dialogue in children’s books. While some of it seemed forced, the large majority of it seemed quite natural.” Another reviewer thinks “the illustrations in these two books are beautiful and lively. The action is drawn well and the characters’ feelings can easily be determined by looking at their faces.”

But the main aspect most commented on is how the book teaches caregivers to not just communicate with a child but do so using a positive parenting language. “I have heard my friends say that they would pay someone to just ‘tell me what to say’, and that’s pretty much what these two books do,” remarks one blogger. Another concurs, adding, “Language is so important in interacting with your children and Ready for the Day and Ready for the Bed provide guidance on exact discussion for encouraging your child’s emotional health and intelligence.”

Ready for the Day Initially, one of our reviewers expected the books (which are tailored for kids ages three to six) to merely contain fun stories to read in order to prepare kids for the day or night. But she was pleasantly surprised to discover so much more. “There is a section in the front of the books telling “grown-ups” about the books’ color coding: GREEN words validate feelings, BLUE words offer choices and RED words encourage,” she observes. “When I first saw this I thought the book might be talking down to parents but as I read the book I didn’t feel that way at all.”

So will this book help you curtail the “war of the wills”? Our bloggers answered with a resounding “yes!” “When the child complains or gives a bad attitude, the parent acknowledges the grumpy feelings and then tells the child what an acceptable behavior will be. I’ve personally found both of these strategies to be effective, so I would say the book is right on,” remarks one blogger. Another chimes in: “they are also great tools to remind parents of the important role they play in making these times enjoyable instead of dreaded.”

But this is not just a book parents can read. Kids love to read this book too! “[My daughter] is expected to read to us each night, and these books are a great fit for her reading level. In fact,” notes this reviewer, “she read Ready for the Day out loud to [my husband] last night and noted it on her school reading log.”

And another great point — several reviewers found the diversity (as well as the fact that a dad is featured as the main caregiver in one story) a refreshing change from a lot of other books on the market. One blogger sums it up with this sentiment: “If you would like a culturally diverse parenting tool to positively impact your child’s learning and your own parenting skills definitely give these books a try.”

Don’t forget we still have a few more bloggers writing about their experiences. They are:

Wed 9/10 - Creature Bug and Mid-Campaign Post

Thurs 9/11 - Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting

Fri 9/12 - Boston Mamas

Mon 9/15 - Chicky Chicky Baby

Tues 9/16 - Dana Reviews

Wed 9/17 - Round-Up