The Parent Bloggers Network

A universal parenting truth is that we believe that at their core, our kids are “good kids,” even if they act out, lie, or exhibit oppositional defiant behavior. But behavioral challenges can become a big problem, especially if left unchecked. Even for kids who are well-behaved most of the time, there may be moments where we simply don’t know what to do (thus creating a weakness that the kids can then exploit.) Five of our bloggers had the opportunity to review the Total Transformation Program, created by behavioral therapist James Lehman to offer parents practical, real world solutions for children’s behavior challenges.

Our bloggers opened up to us about the problems they’ve been having with their children. One writes, “Three of [my children] have attention and auditory processing issues and my oldest has issues with impulsiveness along with her ADHD. Dealing with her discipline issues has not been easy and those issues are compounded with my ineffective parenting and all three of my oldest children respond disrespectfully to not getting their way.”

Some might think “auditory processing issues? ADHD? Doesn’t that deserve a lighter hand?” In fact, as one of our reviewers notes, it is our special treatment of kids who might have other challenges that sets them up for defiant behavior.

She explains, “Sometimes, our children have health, emotional or behavior issues that ‘they just can’t help,’ and we become lax at enforcing the limits and rules we’ve set for everyone else in the family. Soon, this becomes a habit…Lehman explains that the real world will not compensate our kids for their excuses. It’s up to parents to teach our kids to take responsibility for their own behavior, and to learn to function and lead a productive life with whatever handicaps they may have.”

One reviewer reveals, “My kids are pretty good kids. [They] are fairly well behaved for other people and most of the time for us. However, [my son] has several problems that I refer to as ‘lacking a moral compass.’” She goes on: “The Total Transformation Program couldn’t have come at a better time. We’ve been having a tough time with [my son] already this year at school. He zooms through his school work, and turns in sloppy, half done work… We think it’s focus, motivation and a work ethic issue.”

Another reviewer has a similar story: “My son is bright but he gets very frustrated when he doesn’t understand something and that’s usually when he acts out. I’ll admit that I get frustrated as well when he acts out in this manner.”

Kudos to these reviewers for coming forward with their concerns. But don’t worry, although improvements in parental technique help manage the child’s behavior, the Total Transformation Program is not about tearing down the parents’ self-esteem: “What this program does well is not make parents feel guilty or even insult them for bad parenting. For the most part, parents feel terrible enough that their kids are having issues, so there’s just no sense it getting beaten up. What the program does do is arm parents with all the skills they need.”

How does the Total Transformation Program change these behaviors?

Explains one reviewer, “[Lehman] believes that kids don’t have the skills they need to deal with things and problem solve, and so they act out. In turn, parents need to develop effective parenting skills to teach their children the skills they need to get through life.”

Another takes us through the process, “…the questionnaires helped me identify the behaviors of my kids that I need to focus on with the program. I also learned what are my ineffective roles that fail to promote responsibility, accountability or change… James Lehman knows how to transform ineffective parenting roles into effective ones. The skills he teaches in the program are excellent and make sense to me. I especially like his analogy about how adults are expected to follow laws just as kids should be expected to follow the family rules.”

A third sums up the program nicely: “The longer I listened and learned from the Total Transformation Program, the more I began to believe that ineffective parenting causes problem behavior in children… I realized how I had been setting my own kids up to misbehave. The good news is, the program shows you step by step how to stop what you’re doing, so you can reverse the spiral of bad behavior.”

One reviewer hasn’t gotten to many of the lessons yet because “there is just too much going on here right now,” but found value right off the start, “I like what Mr. Lehman said in the first CD about [how] parents compensate for their child’s deficiencies”

She wasn’t alone in her concern about the timing: “It takes a long time – seven weeks – to get through it. The first three weeks seem more about how you and your child think and act than about changing it. You have to be patient enough to wait for weeks four through seven to work on action items. So I really haven’t seen much change in my son’s behavior. But I have thought differently about how I approach his problems.” She recommends, “Plan the same time each week to work on the program – and put it on your calendar.”

Our bloggers all noted the price as being rather hefty, but as one explains, “While it is costly ($327), it’s equal to about 3 therapy sessions (no kidding) and if you’re not satisfied after that amount of time, you can return it for a full refund (save shipping).” And another remarks, “If you have an unmanageable kid that you fear is one step away from a mugshot then the hefty price may be worth it.”

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Visit the Total Transformation Program website to start your own 30-day trial of the program and to sign up for the free e-newsletter “Empowering Parents.”

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 21st, 2008 at 3:03 am and is filed under Elementary School, Household, Kids, Media, Pre-teen. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.