The Parent Bloggers Network is pleased to announce a new monthly feature - Different Kinds of Parents. The family unit has changed and evolved such that it’s no longer the norm to marry the boy or girl next door, or even necessarily someone from the same geographic, ethnic, religious, or socioeconomic background. Stay-at-home-Dads, same-sex unions, interracial marriages, and single parenting by choice - among other non-traditional family choices - are becoming more widespread and less of a curiosity to others.

In Different Kinds of Parents, we will present interviews with parents who don’t fit that traditional mold. By doing so, we hope to help other parents recognize and better understand the similarities between families, as well as gain a greater appreciation for the challenges faced by those parents who are, for one reason or another, different.

Please welcome this month’s interviewee, Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of Family Pride - the national non-profit organization committed to securing family equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer parents, guardians, and allies.

Most parents go through some soul-searching prior to starting a family - thinking about how they were raised, how they’d like to raise their own children. What sort of concerns did you and your partner discuss before having children? How do you think your concerns were similar to those of heterosexual parents, and in what areas do you think they differed?

Like all parents, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) parents go through soul-searching when starting their families. Interestingly, many LGBTQ parents may have had their children in the context of a heterosexual marriage and came out after their children were born. Obviously, this is a different set of circumstances from those couples that have children in a same-sex relationship.

The first questions we asked were the same ones that every parent thinks about. Can we afford to do this? Do we want to be that tired? Do you think we’ll have a boy or girl? I hope they are healthy. Will we still have time for us and our relationship? But there are some questions and concerns that are often unique to LGBTQ parents. How will we create our family? Should we adopt? If so, internationally, domestically or through foster care? Do we live in a state that will recognize both parents relationship to the child? Is our community supportive of LGBTQ families? What school will our child go to and are they ready to embrace diverse family structures? Are we doing the right thing? Will our children be teased? Can we help them be strong through that? Because of the added burden LGBTQ parents face and because of the discrimination in our laws, same-sex parents have to ensure that they can replicate as many protections as possible not available through law through private contracts

I don’t know any parents who are in complete agreement all the time about how to handle child-rearing duties. How have you and your partner divided up the duties? What adjustments have you made over time?

What parents are always united on every aspect of child rearing and care? In all seriousness, like every couple, this has been a negotiation for my partner and I. When the children were born (I carried our twins), I actually left work to stay home and care for them. I was home for the first three years while my partner had a very intense career. The transition to stay-at-home mom with my partner as sole bread winner was challenging – but we feel really blessed that we were able to do that for them. With twins, it was almost like being a single parent. For late night feedings. we both got up and gave them bottles (there’s no switching off nights with twins). In the last two years, my partner has been lucky enough to have a career with flexibility which has allowed her much more time with our children and I’ve gone back to work full time. Generally speaking though, I tend to be the disciplinarian, she tends to do lots of the play time (particularly at playgrounds). I like arts and crafts and music – she likes reading books. It’s been a great partnership.

All parents have to address sensitive issues with their children, but I expect such issues come up sooner for families such as yours. Have your children asked you any tough questions yet? Or have their friends (or their friends’ parents)? If so, how have you handled it? And if not, do you have some ideas as to how you will handle it?

We’ve been fortunate with our children. We live in a neighborhood where people are warm and accepting. That means that our children are welcome at block parties, birthday parties and play dates. There was a funny moment though, when our children were three, and the daughter of a neighbor came for a play date. Her parents were joining us at the end for dinner. The little girl was excited that her mom and dad were coming and kept asking our boys about where their dad was. When the boys said they didn’t have a father she looked a little confused. And then our son Tim put his hands on his hips with an exasperated little sigh and said, “Some kids have two mommies, some have two daddies, some have a mom and a dad and others have just one parent. All that matters is love.” And that was the end of it. It made sense to everyone and on they went with their games.

Please tell us more about Family Pride. There’s a lot of great information on your website about your mission and vision, the successes you’ve had, and ways to get involved for LGBTQ parents and those who support family equality. We’d love to know what your current top priorities are, as well as what you envision for the future of Family Pride.

Family Pride really wants people to understand that love is the most important ingredient in a family and that laws and policies should support all loving families. Less than 23% of American households in the US 2000 census were married mom/dad households. The face of the American family is changing and public opinion and legal protections need to keep up with those changes. Big priorities over the coming years include training LGBTQ parents on how to advocate for themselves and their children at every community level, working to make schools more welcoming to those children who have one or more LGBTQ parents and to ensure that wherever families are discussed our families are included. For more information about our work, visit www.familypride.org.

We also love your blog. Who are the contributors? How widespread is your readership, and how has it grown over time?

We’re so excited with the success of our blog. It’s a great way for us to share information, engage our supporters and talk about issues that are important for all loving families. The voice of our blog is a large one—the entire staff contributes posts to the blog and we often host “guest bloggers” from other organizations. We launched the blog back in December, and it’s been growing by leaps and bounds ever since. Last month alone our blog grew by 240% to 10,000 readers. In early April, thousands of participants tuned in across the country as we blogged live from the White House lawn in order to secure tickets to the 2007 White House Easter Egg Roll for LGBTQ families. If you haven’t yet read our blog, visit http://www.familypride.org/blog.

What are your thoughts regarding visibility - how to be an active part of the community while assuaging concerns about safety and discrimination?

The reality is that parents often don’t have a choice about being out in their community. Having children often forces you out even when you’re not expecting it. I’ve heard countless stories of two parents at the grocery store just going about their business when one of their children blurts out to the cashier – “I have two mommies you know”. The key to being visible is to be comfortable with your family’s story and to be able to tell it in a way that elicits support. Many folks are very interested in how we create our families – the trick is to get them interested in how we raise our families and how we live our lives as families. That’s why our OUTSpoken Families program has been successful. It gives parents, extended family, teachers and allies a way to tell our stories that really resonate with those around us.

Where’s your favorite place to take the kids?

Great swimming pools or water parks. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to swim and so do our kids. Our local favorite is Hains Point in Washington, DC.

Which kids’ books can you read over and over? What’s getting old? Which ones are you ready to throw across the room?

Any Berenstain Bears book could be read 999 times. They are also addicted to action hero comic books. The Maisy series of books are definitely past their prime now. And none is the answer to the last question. I have books still on the shelf from when I was little. As my partner likes to say – I’m a book obsessed pack rat.

Which kids’ music can you listen to endlessly? What’s tolerable? What makes your ears bleed?

The music my kids love that I can listen to endlessly is actually some of my favorite music – it includes Neil Diamond, Trish Yearwood, Barry Manilow and Olivia Newton-John (apparently I’m a 50+ year old straight woman trapped in the body of a 36-year old lesbian) Tolerable music is any Disney movie or kids show tunes. The Wiggles incites instantaneous bleeding from my ears.

Where do you like to shop for kids’ clothes?

Target

Slides or swings?

Slides

Markers or crayons?

Markers

Bikes or trikes?

Trikes – I’m still a nervous nelly mom.